Don't Speak
A Reflection on some American Taboos and their Cultural Impact
Back to our regularly scheduled programing!
Cultural taboos are a touchy thing. That’s the idea right? And some taboos exist for a good reason, the action is harmful to individuals or communities. Cannibalism is an easy and hopefully not too controversial take for my readers. Humans typically aren’t cannibals for a multitude of reasons, even if it is practiced in some cultures.
A lot of taboos exist for control. Think about some of the things you’re taught not to talk about - money, religion and politics are the American adage. Sex, especially in regards to sexual education, is culturally taboo in America.
This entire series is a business taboo. I am writing about the things we’re not supposed to say. Now this isn’t entirely a novel approach, in that class consciousness existed far before I did, nor is anything I’m saying here particularly fresh. But, it’s still deeply engrained that you move on from a job.
When I left my most recent employer, I tried my best to leave a pathway for improvement. I could have just walked away, moved on and washed my hands of the place. That means everyone I left behind and everyone who comes after me is fighting the same battles. Nothing changes. The stories are out of your control, sure, but a job should be like a camp ground. Leave it better than you found it.
I shared my experience honestly with anyone who asked. That was an unpopular decision. I am writing about my experience now, which potentially damages my worth to a future employer. Let’s think about that for a minute - if I talk about my experiences at a job, I’m a problematic employee. Why is that?
Experience is filtered through a person’s perception. That is where we must discern the truth from the perception. That can be difficult sure, but it is important. The facts of a situation, however, are the facts. When we keep silent about poor workplace conditions, we allow employers to continue with the same practices.
A month ago, we had a major win for workers. While you may want to still be careful about how you speak about former employers, you can no longer have your silence bought in order to get a severance. That was a huge suppression technique by employers. Control. Cultural conditioning is a powerful tool.
When you start looking at American taboos, you have to wonder where they came from and who they benefit. Why don’t we talk about money? Who does that benefit? Certainly not the working class. Wealth inequality is on the rise globally. If you talk to your co-worker or neighbor about pay, it creates a difficult conversation. Not for the two people engaged in the conversation, but for their employers.
The idea of a business as a family is nothing new. People have been decrying that exploitation tactic for longer than I have been aware of its existence. Much in the same way that families can exploit people, businesses can and will do that. When the subject of crime in America is brought up, we learn about violent crime or property crime, but not the most prevalent one. Wage theft.
Unfortunately, the truth is that wage theft has been identified as the largest type of theft in the United States. It is responsible for roughly 3 times as much economic loss as other types of theft combined.
Salaried employees are not exempt from wage exploitation. If you work over your contracted hours, you’re devaluing yourself. That’s by design, because your hours worked means less expense for the company. It should mean we need more staff, but companies are sourcing applicants, they aren’t hiring.
The same companies will tell you that they can’t afford labor (it’s the biggest cost of a business you know!) while they are engaging in price gouging and using inflation as a cover. Where does the revenue come from?
You’re probably feeling the pressure and hearing the dialog, but it’s a scary conversation to join in when you’re told we don’t talk about money. But we also don’t talk about politics right? “If we don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all!” Well, what if we changed that saying from nice to kind?
We must be nice. We mustn’t burn bridges with our former employers. We mustn’t talk about money. We mustn’t talk about politics, because someone might get their feelings hurt. We must remain compliant and agreeable. That’s what our cultural conditioning says.
Compliance is a tool. Weapons are also a tool. Compliance can also be a weapon. What I have always stressed to my workers, when I have been a leader in a workplace environment, is the same lesson I learned being a union steward. As long as it isn’t illegal, immoral or unethical.
Who are we letting dictate the conversation on business ethics? Right now, we are letting people motivated by profit define the ethics of their workplace. What you should and shouldn’t talk about with your co-workers. Purely anecdotally, I understand, but from my experience with internal theft the reasoning is driven by employees feeling devalued. Exploited. I’m not the only person who has noticed that, of course.
A lot of American cultural myths depend on deifying humans. Authority in America has a weird history. Our founding fathers - who carry with them a host of atrocities I don’t have time to write about. We continue to celebrate unethical businessmen who exploit other people for their own gain.
My whole life has been watching the inevitable crash of all these people that are elevated for exploitation. Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Donald Trump. We wash away the sins of our celebrities - Chris Pratt, Woody Allen, Roman Polanski, Mel Gibson, Johnny Depp, Michael Jordan.
The problem with this elevation, the role model status, is that we create a measure of forgiveness for others that we wouldn’t extend to those in our daily lives. Transgressions enacted that would be ruinous in interpersonal relationships are handwaved in the name of greatness. But we also hold these pillars of cultural structure up as counter culture icons. We allow the people who ARE the ruling class, for lack of a better term, to also be lauded as anti-authority.
Even police are routinely presented as anti-authority. The agents of the state that enforce authority are not anti-authority. But watch any cop drama when the FBI rolls in. Watch SVU that normalizes police brutality. Cops are allowed to break the rules because they are pillars of morality. Meanwhile, real life cops standby and even prohibit people from stopping dangerous citizens. What’s even more insidious is that the counter-culture movement in the US is partially funded and promoted by the government.
Gaslighting terminology has come en vogue, especially amongst millennials, but cultural gaslighting via propaganda has existed as long as society. I think all of these are important discussions to have. When you start looking to the flaws that are forgiven in our role models, we start to see patterns of forgiveness for those same behaviors in our personal lives.
When we create a society with an end goal of financial success, we allow the ends to justify the means. When we know that some parts of that journey are unsavory, we create a cultural taboo. Dale Hansen talks about the shame around sexual assault here:
We have made being a victim shameful, not the act of victimizing. There is no shame in being a victim, because a victim has done nothing wrong. And, while a person can be a victim they can also victimize others. If we destigmatize victimhood and allow people to speak about their experiences honestly, it creates a better road map to healing.
Western society has stripped many of our biggest icons of their humanity in lauding them as Übermensch. One of the biggest hurdles in discussing white people in the cultural landscape is that Western culture has elevated white people. It creates a deep wound that harms everyone. Feelings of failure for people that can’t reach these unobtainable goals, because they are still human. Othering.
We see white rage manifest in very violent ways that clash with our cultural understanding of whiteness. And instead of having real conversations about it, we try to rationalize the instance. The internet age has definitely cracked a lot of those cultural myths. Things that were allowed to be taboo, through social conventions, education and entertainment, are being challenged by data and real world experience.
The impact of the war in Ukraine is being shown in real time via reddit. And yes, there are still plenty of people in every country that swallow nationalistic propaganda whole. In every country.
Going back to political taboos, one of the reason we avoid them is because the conversations around politics tend to be divisive. They start arguments and who wants to fight? The issue there is, we also tend to find common ground when we communicate. Take health care - the majority of Americans think we should have universal health care.
Even in writing these personal essays, I have to balance what is okay for me to say and what isn’t. Because even these conversations have a real world impact. My personal experiences have another person and their perception of those events. One thing I have learned is that if a topic is off limits, there’s probably an element of control behind it. Why does someone want to control that narrative and what do they have to gain from it?
When you start looking to the whys of taboos you can start to break them down personally. There is also a trauma response to some taboos for certain people that should be taken into consideration. A conversation can be off-limits for people until they are in a headspace to have that conversation. Just try to lead with kindness.
Here’s an hour of music for you…