The future is never hard to see. Most things follow predictable patterns. But even if you have limited prescience, you still have to deal with it. I told Adrianne at the end of last year that this one would be a doozy. I saw mile markers down the road, I just didn’t know when we’d hit them.
Some transparency for those of you who don’t know me as well. In March of this year, I essentially moved into my parent’s home for a couple of months. My father was moved into the ICU, the culmination of 28 years of cancer and the choices made in the fight to survive. He ultimately lost this fight, but he still claimed some victories at the end. We should all be so lucky.
The chaos that ensues whenever a close family member dies is always a little different, but most anyone who has experienced it can relate. I was out of action for a little while. Two memorial services, account reconciliation, helping my mother spend some time in Florida with her sister Ruth and preparing for RocketCon. Life was frenzied.
Adrianne was stuck balancing life with me and maintaining her professional life. She worked remotely in Staunton as much as she could. She grieved when she could. While we toiled away, slashing at the constant growth of weeds in the garden of life fascism struck.
Seeing the curtain drop on so many fascist movements worldwide has been staggering. A coordinated assault that’s been finely tuned over the last 80 or so years. Since the last time we beat them back and tried to make the world a better place for everyone, not just the top of the pile.
I have a lot I need to write about, for myself more than anything. I started on my own eulogy for my father, but I haven’t had the time to dwell in that corner of my brain. The tension and the looming break that follows keep me up at night. I don’t sleep as peacefully these days.
Breathe
There’s been good, though. The end of my father’s life brought a sense of community from those in his circle. I deepened my understanding of him, myself and those that knew him. I found my own community spurred to action. It was uplifting to see them in action.
Adrianne’s cousin Gray left Hickory, NC for Richmond, VA and a spot our home. We’re still learning to navigate that, a river that will find new rocks as my mother joins us later in August. Adrianne is excited to have a full house, that excitement is infectious.
RocketCon was amazing this year and deserves it’s own entry in this digital diary. We had ~40 attendees this year and over ten first timers. KC, a friend we made on the Dice Tower Cruise, flew in from Colorado. We had interest from people as far away as Arizona. It might be time to move beyond our 4+ walls. The only complaint we had this year is that it was hot. And it was. Too hot.
I’ve also started going to the movies every Tuesday with my friend Lamont. We’ve seen I Saw the TV Glow, Thelma, Midas, Kinds of Kindness and tomorrow we will see Longlegs. The first time, it was just the two of us. There will be at least 6 attending and up to 8. Seeing movies in the theater with your friends is a magical experience.
I’m hopeful to start doing Wednesday reviews of whatever we see.
We’ve made new friends this year, met the new additions to the next generation of our family and strengthened bonds in a world hellbent on tearing us apart. I also got my first ever win in a music league.
I have a lot of stories in my head that need to find their way out. For now, here’s some of my favorites from the last 3 months:
Good to see you posting again. As you work through the trauma of these past months, I hope for healing and peace as you move forward! Sending love to you, Adrianne, Kathy, and family! ❤️
I felt excited when I got the notification for this; it's been a while! Writing helps me process the difficult stuff/emotions better than anything else, and whether you share it here or not, I hope it offers you clarity and catharsis.